Inuyasha's Twisted Tales
by Raven-2010
Summary: In one shots Inuyasha has hilarious adventures. 1 Inu gets his first apartment and finds out he's not alone. 2 Inu gives his nagging boss a mind blowing surprise he'll never forget. 3 Miroku does his own version male enhancement plastic surgery and gets an unexpected response. one shots comedy, romance Inu/Kag


**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, Rated R language**

In one shot's Inuyasha experiences hilarious events. 1 Inuyasha gets his first apartment and soon learns he is not alone and that's when the fun starts. 2 Inuyasha gives his nagging crabby annoying boss a special outrageous gift he will never forget. 3 Miroku does his version of plastic surgery getting a response he did not expect, written for and dedicated to Inu/Kag fans lol. **Inu/Kag**

**Inuyasha's Twisted Tales**

**By raven 2010, Oct 25 2012**

Story 1

**Inuyasha's Crib**

Inuyasha was in dog heaven his dream was coming true he was getting and would soon be moving into his first apartment, he had plans do as he pleased a girl visiting friends and lots and lots of fun. Little did he know what a big surprise he was in for roommates and here is how it all began. Inuyasha smiled as his friends helped him move into his new place or as Miroku called it Inuyasha's crib it was a nice large apartment with 2 bedrooms living room and big bedroom. The floors were oak wood the walls and ceilings snow white Inuyasha's favorite, the kitchen had a nice butcher block top wooden table with silver metal legs that easily sat 6 people

"Nice digs Inuyasha I'm moving in," Miroku teased

"Keep dreaming you ain't turning my new pad into your own personal brothel," Inuyasha replied

"So my friend, how do you like having your own pad? Miroku asked as he put one of the boxes of Inuyasha's stuff down

Aw look he's a happy puppy he has his own dog house," Kagome teased scratching behind one ear

"Happy what?

"My happy golden eyed puppy your Kaggys baby" aren't you?

"Kagome,"

"You know you love it,"

"Evil wench," he replied 'Damn females why is it always the ears? He thought "Damn it Kagome,"

"Shhh don't talk just feel," she said

"Kagome," he nearly whimpered when Kagome rubbed one ear while still scratching behind the other "You devil wench you,"

"Shhh, what did I say don't talk just feel?

"Why it ain't like we're doing it?"

"He's so cute I almost can't stand it," Sango said

"Aw listen my little inu pup is purring with delight," Sugimi teased as he entered the apartment with one of the moving boxes

"Oh great dad had to see it," Inuyasha exclaimed "Kagome why did you do this to me? He'll never let me live it down"

"The pup loves the scratchies yes he does," Sugimi teased

"See" Inuyasha griped

"You know you wuv it," Kagome razzed

"Yes little brother your purring and your foot tapping the floor is proof," smirking Sesshoumaru added

"Great fluffy saw it to," Inuyasha said burying his face in his hands

"Okay I'll stop then," Kagome exclaimed pulling away

"Wench? He called grabbing her wrist and holding her hand in place "They all know no use in hiding it now,"

"Is it love? Am I going to have grand pups? Sugimi needled

"Nieces and nephews? Sesshoumaru added "Yes perhaps twins one of each a girl and boy,"

"Oh boy that would be most glorious," Sugimi said

"Little inu mikos," Kouga razzed

"Kagome will you bare his pups? Miroku could not resist

"Gulp ah um," Inuyasha, and Kagome exclaimed not knowing what to say next

"Get to stroking," Miroku teased

"Steady rhythm little brother, steady rhythm," Sesshoumaru jested

"Fluffy?

"Yes brother dearest," Sesshoumaru teasingly replied

"Go bury your pecker in a porcupine nest up to the nuts," Inuyasha said

"I had no idea you were into penispuncture" what happened to traditional acupuncture? What they did not know is that they were being watched by Inuyasha's house mates

**The observers**

"He ain't human," one said

"Half human a hanyou and thank god not a neko," the other replied

"Agreed we'd be on the menu" the first added

"And I'm not ready to die yet," the second said

"I know right?

"Burp" 2 belched

"Yo you really need to lay off the sauce you smell like a booze factory,"

"Bite me," 2 shot back "That miko smells really good,"

"Yeah she adds class to the joint," 1 added

**Back with Inuyasha and the others**

"Pops sorry I'm allergic to girls," Inuyasha tried

"Hah liar," Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru responded

"Guess that means you don't need any more ear rubs from a girl, Jak is single and very available," Kagome teased referring to Jakotsu

First his face paled to snow white then he smirked "Wench right after you marry Kagura,"

"And I'll bet you'll want to watch," pervy Miroku needled

"Yep mutt will probably supervise and want to sell pictures of it to," Kouga teased as he exited the bedroom

"Feeling virginally deprived are we mangy wolf?" Inuyasha shot back "Eh if a chick threw you a piece you'd be down on all fours panting and whining like a little puppy ya stupid knob kneed wolf," Inuyasha shot back

"Fine by me I'll be waxing that ass polishing that pearl and shining that diamond you know oh wait no you don't green horn," Kouga needled

"Fuck you so slow he don't know wants to be a ho and leave my horn alone," Inuyasha wisecracked "Need me to draw you a map of the tunnel of love and give written instructions what to do with it?

"Hah you could not hump your way out of a whore house if ya took Viagra by the bottle fulls,"

**With the two hiding observers**

1"Well it isn't ever going to be boring with him around,"

"I know right? He'll be lots of fun," the second replied

"I vote we keep him,"

"What are you up to? 2 asked

"The usual,"

"Already? At least let the dude chill a couple of days first," one said

"Yes mommy,"

**Back with Inuyasha and the group**

"Well pup don't burn the place down," Sugimi teased

"Father if he does start a fire we can always have a wiener roast," Sesshoumaru added

"Nah Sessh that wiener ain't got no meat," Kouga jabbed

"Now fellas no need to compete," Miroku teased

"Gee thanks for the vote of confidence pops," Inuyasha replied "And you maggots we're talking about food not me you dill holes," Inuyasha

"You know girls we could put this on TV and the internet and make a bundle," Sango said

"Yep we'll call it canine thunder dome 2012," Sango teased

"I'll sell tickets," Kagura added

"See that boys their going to get money but we don't get no honey," Inuyasha razzed the other males nodded in agreement 'Why do I feel like I'm not alone? He thought sensing something

That night

"Oh yeah," the nearly drooling hanyou exclaimed eying the big raw 3 pound steak on his plate then paused in mid grab for it "Milk I need a nice an ice cold glass of milk to go with better yet a mug,"

As he pulled the large glass mug out of the freezer took the milk out of the refrigerator and started to pour some into the mug his mouth watered at the thoughts of his eating and drinking his favorite combination raw beef and cold milk. He could hardly wait to get started a smile graced his angelic face anticipation increasing his hunger all the more. After he put the milk back in the fridge and closed both the freezer and refrigerator doors the door he turned and headed toward the table when he looked he nearly dropped the mug at what he saw

"What the hell? My baby, where did you go?" the confused hanyou said as he gazed upon his empty plate"What the fuck where's my godsdamned steak I'll kick whoevers ass took it, crap it must be spooked there's ghosts in here just my luck steak thieving ghosts,"

**The observers**

"The first night and you steak jack him? What happened to let the dude chill for a couple of days?

"I shared with the others," 2 answered

"Yup that makes you a real humanitarian,"

"Yeah but I ain't human," 2 replied giving the other the raspberry

"Duh"

"Gods damn it," Inuyasha cursed rifling through drawers opening closing and banging cabinet doors searching for his kidnapped steak "Where is it?

It was not until he reached for the last cabinet at the end of the kitchen opened the doors and punched one nearly breaking it that's when it happened. the little steak thief fell off the shelf landing on his back on the countertop his legs wrapped around the last morsel of the meat the wide eyed speechless hanyou looked on in shock

"You little thief I otta drown you," Inuyasha bit it merely beady eyed him Inuyasha raised a hand intent on squashing him

"Nooooo," a voice called out

"Who? What the hell? Inuyasha asked looked then saw legs from something standing upright waving at him

"Don't kill me," the one on his back said

"Who the hell are you? You can talk? Inuyasha asked rubbed his eyes in disbelief and looked again

"Well duh, I'm Shikimaru roach friends call me Shiki, and the meat thief over there is Kento,"

"Hi, burp excuse me call me Ken,"

"Hey you couldn't have eaten a three pound steak by yourself," Inuyasha exclaimed

"No kidding that'd take a roach the size of a buick to do that my friends and family helped me. And dude three pounds of meat" where the hell do you put it? Ken said

"Wait friends and family, how many of you are there?" Inuyasha asked

"About twenty or thirty thousand give or take a few," Shiki answered

"Twenty or thirty thousand? Inuyasha exclaimed

"Yep" Ken confirmed

"I've got roommates," Inuyasha said

"No dude crib mates we're sharing this pad," Shiki told him

"It's cool just hang a roach motel on the on the door knob that'll tell us your getting it on with a chick," Ken the wiseass exclaimed and batted his eyes "You know like a do not disturb sign only for roaches and we'll disappear,"

"I'm living in a giant roach motel," Inuyasha said

"Nah it's a pleasure palace," Shiki teased

"Guess that makes you the THRIC," Kan ragged

"THRIC? Inuyasha asked

"Yup the head roach in charge,"

"You're a little wiseass," grinning Inuyasha replied

"Yep makes you two perfect for each other," Shiki joked

"Hey" Inuyasha, and Ken protested

"Oh sorry about the going to smash you thing earlier," Inuyasha apologized to Ken

"It's cool hey I'd be pretty pissed to if somebody took my food,"

"You boys like horror movies? Inuyasha asked

"Oh boy another horror movie fanatic," Shiki exclaimed "See that's what I mean about you two being perfect for each other,"

"Get bent," Ken, and Inuyasha responded in unison

"And there's the proof," Shiki replied "If you two were not different species I'd swear you were related,"

"Awwwww," they exclaimed

**Three days after**

Inuyasha sat on the floor with his back against the wall legs bent up a notebook sitting on them using his thighs as a table with a pencil he began to write. Shiki, and Ken were perched on the wall behind him watching and reading, Kens brain was running on overdrive Shiki was waiting as they say for the other shoe to drop

Kagome my love Kagome my dove your beauty rivals that of the heavens above "Nah to sappy," Inuyasha exclaimed after reading it. Be my wench and I'll be your he wrote and was interrupted

"Baby let me polish that sweet round ass and we can roll around in the grass," Ken started "Sweet stuff let me mow your lawn till the break of dawn,"

"Hey you little pervert your as bad as if not worse than Miroku," Inuyasha scolded

"This Miroku sounds like a cool guy maybe we could hang out together and be best buds,"

"Great a human and a roach pervs buddies the end of the world is upon us," Inuyasha said

"Just grab her and bury your face between her sweet melons," Ken instructed Shiki smacked his head "Ow,"

"Ken you have all the delicacy class and tact of an out of control speeding bulldozer with no breaks," Shiki scolded

"Prissy broad" when ya gonna grow a pair? Man up you wuss,"

"Don't listen to him buy her some roses a nice card take her out to dinner," Shiki advised

"Romance and sex advice from roaches unbelievable," Inuyasha commented

"They do not call me the fuck master for nothing," Ken gloated "Now here's what you do have her sit down put your nose between her thighs and say baby you smell like sweet honey dip, can I have a sip?"

"As my sanity slips away my brain is bleeding," Shiki said

"Shut up grandma," Ken scolded "Then ya give one or both a gentle squeeze, better yet the old stroke and squeeze,"

Inuyasha was about to speak when he heard a knocking on the door "Just a minute," he walked over to and opened the door

"Inu baby," she said

"What brings you here?

"I've been thinking about you a lot,"

"That's not our Kagome," Shiki said

"Hey Shiki check out our new guest," Ken announced

"You mean ho" where are her clothes, does she know what clothes are?

"Who knew the moon had a split down the middle," Ken wisecracked

"Dude that's the grand canyon," Shiki added "That ass is practically hanging out for all to see, Help me Ken I feel like I'm going to faint from the horror,"

"Drama queen,"

"Can I come in or what?" she asked

"Yeah I guess," was Inuyasha's half assed reply

"I don't like this broad she's trouble," Ken said eyeing the kitchen table

"Are you thinking what I think you are?

"Oh yeah," Ken answered

"Evil bug,"

"I know right?" grinning Ken replied

"So how have you been? She asked putting her hands on Inuyasha's shoulders "I have been thinking about you,"

"More like thinking about riding his jock," Ken wisecracked "Don't worry bro I've got your back,"

"We've got you covered bro," Shiki added

"Whoa, whoa, whoa slow your row hands off and back away," Inuyasha told her

"Come on baby," she said hanging on and leaning in to kiss him

"Gods damn it Kikyo I said no now stop," Inuyasha snapped and shoved her back

"More like Kiky come shot," Ken said

"Man that's nasty," Shiki commented

"Yup but you know it's true and hey I only call em as I see em,"

She stumbled back but quickly regained her balance and began stalking toward him once again Inuyasha stepped aside Kikyo stepped forward and tripped over something falling forward landing face down in a cake sitting on the kitchen table. Inuyasha's little buddies Ken, and Shiki used a trip wire each holding one end stretched across the entryway

"Bombs away," Ken said

"Don't's break the table," Shiki added

"Bros before hos," Ken wisecracked the little devil was doing a roach happy dance Inuyasha was enjoying it but at the same time could not believe it

"Who tripped me? Kikyo whined "Inu did you trip me? She started

"What the fuck? How can you? He started

"Hey skank wad? Oh excuse me forgot I mean Kiky come shot" Ken needled

"Who said that? She snapped

"Down here" Shiki said,

"Yeah look down here princess tripping tart," Ken answered giving her the roach version of the finger she did

"Oh god roaches and they talk," she exclaimed

"Hows about a little kiss, Kikyho?" Ken jabbed

"Eeeeew disgusting," she shrieked

"Like you're afreaking prize," Shiki insulted

"If that's what you want toots," a snap was heard "Formation charge," Ken said

"Shit their the cockroach Yakuza," Inuyasha exclaimed grinning

Kikyo screamed as hundreds of roaches descended upon her dive bombing down from the ceiling like little attack planes on a bombing mission landing all over her. Inuyasha stood frozen to his spot as his eyes remained glued to them then he busted out laughing so hard it hurt. She screamed again as they crawled up under her band aid of a skirt and down her cleavage, she screamed then started swatting at them

"Remember even skanks need to play safe," Ken, and Shiki said as they dropped a red condom wrapped in clear plastic down her boobs she ran

"Gross get them off,"

"Don't think they want you to get them off their not into outside of their species mating," Inuyasha needled

"Give us a kiss skeezyo," wiseass Ken added and kissed her cheek

"Ken you're a sick man," Shiki said

"Yee ha I'm in a rodeo ride the ho,"

"Gods get them off," she screamed

"Sorry I'm a roach who does not believe in doing the nasty with anyone outside of my species," Ken added

"See told ya," Inuyasha gloated

Kikyo ran out of the apartment screaming as she ran all the way up the street and beyond, Inuyasha near breathless from laughing landed flat on his ass holding his stomach "You, you roaches are awesome," he gasped his praise

"Aw thanks bro," Ken, Shiki and the other roaches replied

"Pant, pant boys tonight porter house steak one for you and one for me it's freaking celebration time you guys are the best ho repellant in the world,"

"Steak? The roaches asked in unison with dreamy looks "For real?

"Now come on even I ain't rotten enough to play a dirty trick like that, Besides I love mine raw so do you and that means no cooking," Inuyasha answered

"Score," they responded

"Be back in a minute," Inuyasha exclaimed then disappeared out the door

"Wow he's getting it now didn't think that'd be till later on," Shiki said

"Oh we're keeping him," Ken replied

Inuyasha quickly returned with a large paper bag set it on the table and pulled two packages wrapped in butchers paper opened them taking out two of the biggest leanest stakes they'd ever seen their little eyes went wide and instantly filled with dreamy looks. The grinning hanyou set their piece on the floor that way they could use the paper like a plate then put his hand up halting them as they were about to charge at and pounce on the meat

"Hold it I love ice cold meat with mine so I'm guessing you do to stay right there," he filled a mug and a clean bowl with milk set their bowl of milk next to the meat "Okay charge," he grinned as they pounced

"Slurp chomp thanks bro you're the best," Ken said between chews of meat and slurps of milk

Inuyasha polished his meat off and drank his milk a happy man he had the best protectors and body guards in the world "Wow their better then piranhas," he commented when he saw that the meat was gone in seconds

"Ahhhhh,' they all exclaimed after finishing the meat and milk laying back rubbing their bellies in contentment

"From now on one steak for you and one is mine," Inuyasha told them

"Burp deal," Ken answered

**A few days later**

Kagome had been coming to visit a lot Shiki and the instigator Ken had formed a plan, Kagome went into Inuyasha's room and before he could blink he was in his room banging on the door when he found out he was locked in demanding to be let out

"You're staying in there until you've been laid and mated," Ken informed him

"You little creeps I'm gonna get a cat and let him eat you alive,"

"Remember what we said roach motel hanging on the door knob like a do not disturb sign we'll know you're getting busy and leave until you finish? Shiki reminded hanging a roach motel on the knob

"Yeah man up drop em and get busy," Ken teased "Are ya a dog or a chicken? Cluck, cluck"

"Who's that? Kagome asked

"One of my roommates,"

"Roommates? She asked

"Yup roaches talking roaches plotting scheming clever roaches," he answered then told her what had happened "Man they hate Kikyo hated her at first sight,"

"Roaches of high class and excellent taste," Kagome praised

"Did you hear that high class excellent taste? Ken said

"We're keeping her," Shiki replied

"Oh yeah," happy smiling Ken agreed

Inuyasha mated Kagome they were locked up and went at it for days the roaches had stalked the room with supplies ahead of time before locking them in. The little devils even took it upon themselves to clean the apartment from top to bottom they even had a meal planned for them to celebrate when they let the pair out

Ring, ring "Hello? Shiki answered the phone

"Yes may I speak to Inuyasha Taisho?

"Who's calling please? Shiki asked

"His father Sugimi" who are you?

"I'm a friend my name's Shikimaru friends call me Shiki,"

"Nice to meet you Shiki" where is my pup?

"He's" Shiki started

"He's mating," Ken blurted out

"Ken do you have any tact at all? Shiki scolded

"Mating? Who? Sugimi asked

"Our Kagome," Ken, and Shiki answered

Silence for a second "That's wonderful," Sugimi happily exclaimed

"Yeah we locked his ass in the room with her until," Ken paused then "Ow"

"Ken you deranged roach I swear I am going to pinch you so hard you won't walk for a week,"

"Roach? Sugimi queried

"Yup" Shiki replied then explained the situation

"I must thank you I've been wanting him to take her as a mate for a long time," Sugimi told them "He works for me after not hearing from him for two days I was concerned thank you I am in your debt. Okay when he gets out tell him that he has a month's vacation,"

"Yay" the roaches cheered

"How many of you are there? Sugimi asked

"A lot," grinning Ken answered

"We must meet in the future,"

"Sounds good to me," Shiki, and Ken exclaimed

"Excellent and thanks again, okay I'll let you boys go don't want to talk your ears off," Sugimi said

"Okay thanks," Shiki replied and both sides cut the call

**With Sugimi and the others**

Sugimi told Inuyasha's friends "So the mutts laying some pipe bout time," Kouga joked

"Weeding the garden of Eden," Miroku Joked

"Trimming the hedge," Bankotsu teased

"Shaving the grass," Sesshoumaru teased

"And let us not forget boys planting the tulips," Sugimi added

"And they call us gossipers," Sango said

"Yeah look at them their worse than a bunch of hens," Kagura exclaimed

"Girls what can I say it's a rooster party the male version of a hen party," Ayame teased

**Back with Shiki, and Ken**

After days passed they let Inuyasha, and Kagome out of their honeymoon suite days and when they emerged from the room Ken, and Shiki were waiting to greet them "Hello lord humpy," Ken teased "Major rug burn it's a real bitch, hah?"

"Ken you have no class," Shiki scolded

"Ah can it ya wet blanket" what are you a monk or something?

"Hey you guys remind me of my brother and me," Inuyasha commented

"Yeah how so? Ken asked

"Well Shiki's all classy calm and dignified like my brother Sesshoumaru and Ken is like me you know that rout all ready,"

"You poor bastard you've got a stick in the mud I mean up his ass bro to," Ken wisecracked

'Stifle it you etiquette school dropout," Shiki scolded

"Right after you kiss my rosy roachy as," Ken started

"Finish that remark and you won't have a rosy roachy butt left," Skiki informed him

"Oo my feelers are drooping with fear, nah no they aren't,"

"Hold still while I get the bat baseball boy," Shiki replied

"Keep dreaming sir aimless who swings the bat and misses every strike,"

"Keep talking Wally wipeout," Shiki shot back

What the feuding roaches did not yet realize is that they had gained an audience the audience being Inuyasha's family and friends "Hm that one is like little brother exactly like him," pointing smirking Sesshoumaru commented

"And the other reminds me quite a lot of you," Sugimi stated

"Ha, ha fluffy," Inuyasha ragged

"Yes classy and dignified he is," Sesshoumaru said "You could learn from him Inuyasha," he needled

"Get bent," Inuyasha, and Ken unplanned but simultaneously responded to their elder brothers

"Exactly alike," both Sesshoumaru, and Shiki remarked as if sharing the same thought

"Thanks that's what I told them a long time ago," Shiki said

"If they were not different species I'd swear they were related," Sesshoumaru commented

"Exactly what I told them," Shiuki told them

"Oh great now there's two of them," Inuyasha, and Ken griped

"We have twins," Shiki, and Sesshoumaru teased

"This is better than the Tokyo comedy hour," grinning Sugimi said

"Brothers why could I not be an only child," Ken, and Inuyasha griped

"Hehehe," Shiki, and Sesshoumaru laughed

"Oh no" Ken, and Inuyasha exclaimed

"Because father loves playing plant the flowers," Sesshoumaru jabbed

"Yes and our sire very much enjoys tilling the field," Shiki needled

"Shut up, shut up, shut up," both blocking their ears Inuyasha, and Ken shrieked

"Little brothers their so much fun to screw with," sharing the same thought Sesshoumaru, and Shiki said

Story 2

**The Arrangement**

Inuyasha started his new job in a department store he was the best worker there, the job was one he really liked stalking supplies arranging displays were two among other things he was always early arriving to work ahead of the others. Monday morning as was always the case eager beaver Inuyasha was there waiting for his boss Katsuro Takeda to open the door and was greeted by a smirking hanyou

"If this was evening I'd say you were keeping vampire's hours and here early to make an early withdrawal," Katsuro said

"Sorry boss man I don't do blood withdrawals," Inuyasha replied

"Hi Katsuro," just arriving Kagura greeted

"Good morning," he replied "Well I have things to attend to," he left

"He's not riding you today? Kagura asked

"Nope cross your fingers and hope it lasts," Inuyasha answered

"Aw I'll protect you," she teased

'Sniff thanks aunty," he teased wiping away fake tears

"Mornin mutt," Kouga joked while putting his bag away

"Mornin Vampira" they let you out of your coffin early? Thought you blood suckers only came out at night"

"Katsuro not riding you today" want me to call him? Hey Katsuro Inuyasha misses you riding his ass he wants you to" Kouga started but was silenced by Inuyasha's hand over his mouth

"Listen and pay close attention wolf droppings if he comes out and starts riding my ass because of you I swear to gods I will kill you,"

"Come on Kogy be a good wolfy and give my favorite inu a break," Kagura said then took hold of and started rubbing one of his ears

"Purr tap, tap, tap," Inuyasha smirked as Kagura's massaging the wolfs ear had him purring and tapping his foot on the floor like a happy mortal dog "Whine,"

"Aw he's so adorable he's a pup again," Inuyasha teased

"Growl" was Kouga's response "I hate you dog breath, let her rub your ears and you'll do the same," he indignantly scolded the second Inuyasha removed his hand from his mouth "Eew great now I taste dog I need gasoline to scrub my mouth,"

"That's grade A dog flea bag your lucky I don't charge you I'm giving you a freebie," Inuyasha ragged

**Tuesday morning**

"Taisho didn't I tell you to put that display on the left side?" Katsuro scolded

"Vacations over," Kouga said

"You know I think our dear boss loves to bug Inuyasha for the fun of it," Sango commented

"Yes I was just thinking the same thing," Kagome added

"No ya told me to put it on the roof," Inuyasha answered

"See it's as if they were made for each other," Kagura told them

"The perfect pair," Miroku added

"Ah hah," they agreed

"Taishooo," Katsuro

"Takedaaaaa," Inuyasha replied

"You if Inuyasha left I think Katsuro would go into morning," Kagome said they agreed

"Hey it ain't like me and the old goat are married or something," Inuyasha responded

"Young goat," Kagura joked

"Yes young sexy body of a god goat," Sango teased

"Wenches give them a decent looking dude and they go into drool mode," Inuyasha jabbed

"Taisho" Katsuro called

"Yes ma'am? Inuyasha replied

"That display it's not going to set itself up,"

"Nah it won't let me near it it's waiting for you and your approval," Inuyasha needled

"Real cute now get to work,"

"Yes mom it ya promise not to spank me," the hanyou razzed

**Wednesday morning**

"Good morning, well are we going to correct our mistakes today?" Katsuro said

"No we're not but I am," smirking Inuyasha replied

"Get to it then,"

"Yes dear," Inuyasha replied

After lunch

"Taisho, when are you going to stack the boxes in the back room?" Katsuro asked

"Hm, hm hm," Inuyasha was humming instead of wisecracking

"He's not giving it back to the boss? Miroku said

"I smell a rat," Kouga commented

"Me to," the females exclaimed in unison

"Yashy honey what is my baby up to?" Kagura teased

"Nothing dear," Inuyasha answered

"If you don't tell me I'll do it I will use my secret weapon," she cooed

"You wouldn't?"

"Now you should know better than to ask such a fool question," Kagura replied

"I was just having a little fantasy nothing more," Inuyasha answered

'Oh I hope she does it" please kami let her do it I promise to be a good little wolf if you do thanks' Kouga thought

"Sure you were," Miroku said

"Shut your trap sir strokes a lot," Inuyasha started "Tap purr tap, tap," at the same time he purred and tapped his foot on the ground when Kagura started massaging one of his cute puppy ears

"Ha, ha, ha told you'd do it to if she did it to you," Kouga razzed

"Fuck purr you," Inuyasha shot back "Oh Kagura st, stop,"

"Not done yet,"

"Ohhhhh purr crap," he whined

"Taisho less purring and taping and more work," Katsuro said

"Great he knows I'll never live it down now," Inuyasha griped

**Thursday**

"Inuyasha are you going to tell us what you're up to or do we have to drug and brainwash you?" Miroku asked

"Yo my brain doesn't need any friggin washing carpet brain and we both know I mean the special kind of carpet since we all know that's where your brain is twenty four seven," Inuyasha shot back "Now quit bugging me,"

"Special carpet? Kagome asked

"Yup that very nice carpet down below the waist you girls have," Kouga explained then smirked

"Oh"

"Yep that's why I nicknamed Miroku rug boy," Sango said

"Rug boy eh?" Kagome replied "Oh rug boy?

Miroku's head turned so fast and sharply he nearly snapped his own neck "You had to tell her about that damned nickname didn't you?"

"Sure doll why not?" Sango answered

"Traitor that was supposed to be our secret private joke," he griped

"I am in a sharing mood" what can I say? Sango teased

"Get to work before I replace you with robots," Katsuro said "You to rug boy hehehe,"

"Damn you Sango," Miroku grouched

"You're welcome lover,"

Inuyasha gave no comebacks to Katsuro's needling this was unusual highly unusual considering how they constantly fed off of each other dying of curiosity his friends were becoming very impatient to know what was going on in the sneaky hanyous devious mind. Inuyasha like a steel trap was clamped shut and wasn't opening up anytime soon waiting was hell

"Taisho get to it today the sports display goes in the back," Katsuro told him

"La, la, la," Inuyasha hummed

"Mutt I am going to kill you if you don't tell us something," Kouga threatened

"Sorry wolfy can't do that," Inuyasha replied and batted his eyes to bug Kouga

**Friday**

Inuyasha arrived at work a couple of minutes behind the others for the first time he was not the first one there, People were taking pictures of the window display "You've outdone yourself this time this is the first time in all my years anyone has ever photographed one of my stores displays," Katsuro complimented

"Thanks boss man," the grinning hanyou replied

Katsuro opened the door and walked in with his staff following close behind, he reached over and flipped the light switch turning the lights on he looked around then looked ahead "What the hell? Taishooooo"

Katsuro and the others saw Inuyasha had three displays in the front window 1 a female mannequin on her back with the male between her legs having his way with her, 2nd the female on her hands and knees with the male taking her from behind, 3rd the male sitting while the female riding him. Poor Sango, Kouga, Kagome, and Miroku were splitting at the seams trying not to laugh and it was extremely difficult indeed

"This, this is why you volunteered to stay after hours last night and work on the displays? Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Katsuro questioned

"What can I say I'm an artist," Inuyasha answered blew on his claws and rubbed them against his shirt like he was polishing them "A not getting paid artist but still an artist,"

Katsuro looked around at the other displays seeing the positions they were in he nearly croaked in the sports section the female mannequin was sitting in front of the standing male his ski pants down while she was orally pleasuring him. In the bridal section the bride sat dress hiked up to her waist legs spread wide open while the groom with his head between her legs gave her a thorough tongue lashing

"You, you monster there are no words to describe how I feel," Katsuro said while gripping handfuls of his hair looking as if he were going to yank it out "You vile twisted creature those acts and the positions,"

"Oh crawl out of the cave you live in maybe you should try a few of these things you'd probably like them live a little you aren't a hundred years old yet," he teased

"Taishooooo," a voice called and this time it was not Katsuro

Inuyasha looked "Pop?

"Well it ain't the tooth fairy," Sugimi wisecracked

"Little brother," Sesshoumaru said "Interesting nice work,"

"Fluffy you're here to?" Inuyasha exclaimed

"Yes perverted one," Sesshoumaru answered

"Inuyasha what is the meaning of this? Sugimi questioned seeing the positions the mannequins had been placed in

"Cough gasp hehehehehe," his friends bust out laughing tears ran down their cheeks some held their stomachs they could not hold back any longer

"Well Katsuro here is always riding my ass so I decided to show my appreciation and do something special to say thank you. Thanks boss man I only had you in mind when I did it," evilly smiling Inuyasha said

"Oh I do not know what to do first strangle behead or outright murder you," Katsuro said

Flashes of light were numerous as people gathered to take pictures of the wonderful and most interesting mannequin displays ever seen in history, for a time Katsuro remained still and quiet it was rare but Sesshoumaru actually smiled he really was enjoying little brothers latest caper. Inuyasha stood proudly as the artist he was admiring his adoring fans

"Inuyasha what the hell?" Kagome exclaimed as she was lifted off her feet

"I was thinking lets go try a few of those things ourselves," he answered giving her a wink and a lecherous look

"You little pervert," she started but was silenced by his lips on hers then they disappeared in a flash

"Well one good thing I am gaining a daughter in law," Sugimi said "But the displays are freaking hilarious," he whispered to smiling Sesshoumaru who was snapping photos with his cellphone camera "I want copies,"

Story

**The roll**

It all started when Miroku tried his own version of plastic surgery but did not expect the reaction that came. Miroku casually came out proudly strutting by a look of pride on his face to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Sango quickly noticed something her eyes bugged out she wanted to say something but at first could not then found her voice again

"What the hell? Sango exclaimed

I can see it but I can't believe it," Kagome added

"I can," Inuyasha said "Hey monk new look,"

"Nice pants Miroku," Sango mentioned

"Are they a new style? Kagome asked

"What are you all going on about? Miroku questioned

"Dreaming of naked girls? Inuyasha said

"And I get called a hentai," Miroku responded "Why do you want to know?

"Nice pointer," Sango wisecracked

"Does it direct traffic? Kagome added

"What may I ask are you fools talking about? Tell me or I'll have to pound you" Miroku replied

'I cannot pass up a given opening' Inuyasha thought "That bulge,"

"Is it swollen? Sango asked "Does it need a dentist?

"Bet you could take it's pulse," Inuyasha ragged

"Wonder if it has a heartbeat," Kagome said

"That's it purify the hanyou and cage the girls," Miroku shot back

"Nice leg lump," Sango needled "What did you have the mumps and one moved down and took residence on your leg?

"Monk I know that ain't all you," smirking Inuyasha stated "Did you buy or rent it?

"What do you mean? Miroku questioned

"Your leg tree,"

Miroku looked down and froze "It had a growth spurt,"

"Yeah you fed it plant food and it grew, right?"

"I will have you know that it is one hundred percent man meat," Miroku answered "Jealous?

"Pft as if," Inuyasha answered "Jealous of a rolled up sports sock please get real,"

"Don't mourn because I have more then you sometimes mother nature does not endow some as well as she does others,"

"Keep dreaming sock boy,"

"Whatever you are such a headache I have got to go now," Miroku said walking away

"Yo monk lose something?

"Eek look is it alive," Sango teased

"Quick somebody give me a hammer," Kagome jabbed

"I have lost nothing now leave me alone," Miroku replied and started walking away and it fell out

"The cute thing on the floor," Inyuasha said "Just as I thought a rolled up sports sock and pink," Miroku went pale "Damn do you have matching panties and a bra? Bet you look good in them"

"Hey that's mine so that's where they disappeared to Miroku you thieving pervert," Sango scolded

"I do not know of what you speak," crimson red faced Miroku responded trying to reverse the situation "Inuyasha would you kindly pick up your piece of laundry off of the floor?"

"You could not pay me enough,"

Kagome had gotten up and left and came out with something wrapped in birthday gift wrap paper "Here you go,"

"What my birthday's not for another two months," Miroku exclaimed

"Ya but with the razzing we've been giving you I thought you deserve to get it early,"

"Thank you I don't know what else to say," Mirok replied then took the wrapped item and opened it his eyes nearly fell out a very detailed and real looking 14 inch dildo with a removable strap his face drained of all color "Are you kidding me?

"Kagome holy shit it's a telephone," bug eyed Inuyasha said

"Where the hell did you get that? Sango asked

"It was a birthday gag gift from Yuka, and Eri," grinning Kagome answered "I am so evil,"

"This is sick Kagome what the hell?" Miroku said

"You just strap that on your leg instead of a rolled up sock and girls will follow you for miles around," she smiled evilly then everyone fell out laughing poor Miroku stood there in shock

"let's go in the back room wench and you can judge who's is the best it or mine," Inuyasha teased

"Last one there is a dirty dog," Kagome replied as she sped off to the back room

"Wow didn't think she'd go for that one," Sango commented

"Later monk," Inuyasha said as he disappeared leaving only a streak behind


End file.
